The paths that lead me to take NEW232 and NEW431 is long and multidimensional. I am, inherently, a sceptic and a humanist but I am also spiritual. I was brought up as a Christian in the High Anglican tradition, but I have always been surrounded by a multitude of faiths. It was at the age of 12 that I stopped attending my church for the simple reason that my religion did not leave room for the kindest people I knew, my Ismaili friends. Somehow, I couldn’t fathom why they wouldn’t be included in the Kingdom of Heaven. At least, in Islam, my sacred Jesus was recognized for his good works as a prophet. It all seemed non-sensical so I just stopped. Since that day I have always harboured at once a curiosity and animosity towards organized religion. For a long time Tibetan Buddhism was the only organized religion that I felt an affinity to. Unfortunately, they too had a long history of sexism which prevented me from giving Buddhism any serious thought.
In later years, I picked up a position as a receptionist at a Yoga centre that specialized in teacher training, ICYAS. It was a start-up operation run by someone I thought to be a bona fide Yogi. It quickly became apparent that his business ethics and personality were not in alignment with the spirituality appropriate to a Yogi. Within two days, he had started a fight with the downstairs business owner, he had several “temper tantrums” and kept on complaining that there were too many women signing up for his teacher training classes. “Yoga,” he spat, “is traditionally the domain of men.” Further, he also kept on pumping me for information trying to find an “in” with the University of Toronto. He wanted to oust the instructors who were already teaching yoga through Hart House and the Athletic Centre. He must have registered my growing distrust because about two weeks after hiring me he let me go, only to be replaced by a woman who knew little English. To make matters worse I had to chase him down to get paid for the work I had done over those two weeks. It took a month and a half before he finally cut me a cheque, and that was after I had lodged a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.
Finally, Buddhism was again brought to my attention by my aunt who suffered her own mental health issues. She started but never completed her Masters in Psychology. Unfortunately, she most often spoke of her readings into Buddhism when deeply unwell, harping on the concepts of compassion, as a means of manipulating those around her while completely ignoring the teachings regarding pain and negative emotion. Again, Buddhism was presented to me as a means of manipulation.
It wasn’t until I was dealing with my third bout of depression that I took a look, once again, at the teachings of the Buddha. The key, I felt, was to look at the content of his books and do my best to ignore the vehicle of delivery – whether that be via a teacher or practitioner. And also, taking out the more supernatural elements of the writings and focusing on what seemed tangible. So here I am, taking these two courses through New College. The journey will be interesting.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
May 11, 2009
Interesting class. Went over a lot of the concepts that I have been studying over the last year personally. I made a contribution in the class regarding pain/mindfulness. I don't think I explained my point well enough. My thinking was that there could be a biological reason, a survival mechanism which can explain why humans "separate" mind/body.
When you're in pain - your automatic response is what? To sit there and and work through it? No! You want it to END and as quickly as possible.
Teething babies don't sit there mindfully experiencing their red, inflamed and painful gums.
Remember when your hair-brushing sessions with mom became painful? What did you do? You squirmed, you shouted, you fussed and you cried. If none of those tactics worked, yes you sat there and dealt with it but what were you really doing? Hating mom, thinking about what you'd do after. Maybe mom even encouraged you to think ahead by promising a treat if you just sat still.
Look at recounts of trauma - while the incident occurs you repeatedly hear reports of "looking down on oneself", or focusing on one element.
In massive physical trauma what does the body do? It floods your body with adrenaline and endorphins so you don't feel the pain. That's why you occasionally hear of people walking on broken legs to seek help, or people lifting cars off of someone trapped underneath.
The thinking brain, and the feeling body takes a little vacation. This is instinctual and yes, reactive. I'm not saying it's useful in all situations but it goes a long way to explaining why we "split off" in the first place. We do it because experience teaches us that it helps us to survive, in that moment.
Unfortunately, we do it in situations where it isn't helpul at all and it is, in fact, counterproductive. Emotional pain, for example, does not have the same
ramifications for survival as does physical harm. And yet, people often split off when confronted with emotional pain. By the same token, if you "split off" in the
face of chronic low-ebb pain (like arthritis) you could easily miss out on much the world has to offer. I doubt one can disocciate from bodily pain without also affecting the experience of more enjoyable sensations.
All I'm saying is that it's natural to want to escape and minimize pain. Sometimes it's automatic. Someone in class stated, "I find with mindfulness practice I'm better able to tolerate pain." That's great, but I doubt I'm alone in saying, "Why tolerate it if there's a quick and easy way to get rid of it?"
That's a key difference between a westerner's mindset and that of those from the eastern spiritual mindset. I do think we should learn how to better tolerate
pain and difficulty in our lives, wherever it's origin. We should, perhaps, look at how we value pain - it is a great teacher. From pain grows character and spirit.
But does pain Always have something to teach us? If you suffer chronic pain and you've learned how to manage it, tolerate it and live through it - what reamining
lesson does it have for you?
When you're in pain - your automatic response is what? To sit there and and work through it? No! You want it to END and as quickly as possible.
Teething babies don't sit there mindfully experiencing their red, inflamed and painful gums.
Remember when your hair-brushing sessions with mom became painful? What did you do? You squirmed, you shouted, you fussed and you cried. If none of those tactics worked, yes you sat there and dealt with it but what were you really doing? Hating mom, thinking about what you'd do after. Maybe mom even encouraged you to think ahead by promising a treat if you just sat still.
Look at recounts of trauma - while the incident occurs you repeatedly hear reports of "looking down on oneself", or focusing on one element.
In massive physical trauma what does the body do? It floods your body with adrenaline and endorphins so you don't feel the pain. That's why you occasionally hear of people walking on broken legs to seek help, or people lifting cars off of someone trapped underneath.
The thinking brain, and the feeling body takes a little vacation. This is instinctual and yes, reactive. I'm not saying it's useful in all situations but it goes a long way to explaining why we "split off" in the first place. We do it because experience teaches us that it helps us to survive, in that moment.
Unfortunately, we do it in situations where it isn't helpul at all and it is, in fact, counterproductive. Emotional pain, for example, does not have the same
ramifications for survival as does physical harm. And yet, people often split off when confronted with emotional pain. By the same token, if you "split off" in the
face of chronic low-ebb pain (like arthritis) you could easily miss out on much the world has to offer. I doubt one can disocciate from bodily pain without also affecting the experience of more enjoyable sensations.
All I'm saying is that it's natural to want to escape and minimize pain. Sometimes it's automatic. Someone in class stated, "I find with mindfulness practice I'm better able to tolerate pain." That's great, but I doubt I'm alone in saying, "Why tolerate it if there's a quick and easy way to get rid of it?"
That's a key difference between a westerner's mindset and that of those from the eastern spiritual mindset. I do think we should learn how to better tolerate
pain and difficulty in our lives, wherever it's origin. We should, perhaps, look at how we value pain - it is a great teacher. From pain grows character and spirit.
But does pain Always have something to teach us? If you suffer chronic pain and you've learned how to manage it, tolerate it and live through it - what reamining
lesson does it have for you?
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